What it is: Depression

I'm fairly I suffer from depression.  I won't ever go to a shrink to admit it and get anti depressants...  well maybe, the people say they make you feel better, but they have such an negative connotation.  I just want to do something that can make me feel better... like anything.  Talking to my boyfriend who is a bum and always forgets to check his phone for days at a time I don't think he really gets how bad my depression gets... Wait this is probably cuz I never tell him.. hehe  Need to work on that.  Cutting myself ( last ditch effort to get my mind to leave me alone)  Getting drunk, high, you name it.  I've done it to escape my mind.  I try to avoid a lot of it.  It's not a good habit.  I get sad, I itch to do something about it...  Not spectacular right?  Lets just say it's a habit it started with cutting which started three years ago.  Bleh, see then life gives me troubles I go to one of my vices... I guess I have many of them.  Then there is the possible just bitching someone out till I feel better...  This one I may give more of a shot.  Let people know what I think of them... pssshhh  Could I ever do that??  Yeah if I was drunk or something... Occasionally sober maybe give it a try.  Start with that boyfriend of mine eh?  That's sorta mean but I feel sorta abandoned by him a lot cuz he lives out of town and he never checks his phone.  I'm needy... it's a gift??