What am I doing to myself? The question rings in my head every day. Every time I smoke a cigarette and every time I drink or do drugs. This isn’t what you want. I know that, but, I don’t know exactly what I want. It happens more often now than when I first started. At first, I had a rush from doing things I know I shouldn’t, things that were illegal, now it just seem predictable. I wake up I smoke a cigarette, I get stressed I smoke a cigarette, I’m about to go to sleep, I smoke a cigarette. I had sworn to myself years ago that I would never do this, never be like my sister or some of her friends. Then I started being places where it was avoidable but definitely there. On Friday night I would be hanging out with friends who were smoking. I never smoked with them to start and then it seemed like all of the reasons for not smoking were gone, with one person.
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