August
I had to work the day the moving truck was at his house. I watched from across the street as they packed the whole life of my closest friend away. Apparently I wasn’t doing my best work and my supervisor noticed. I know it wasn’t her job to be my friend; it was her job to motivate me to work my best and most efficient. I was already down enough when she accused me of trying to get myself fired, that she didn’t know what my problem was but we needed to finish this boat so we could all leave and that if I had a problem then I should just quit. That’s exactly what I did. I hopped off the bed I was washing handed her the rag and the Lysol and walked away. I walked the mile home and I moped as I heard the moving trucks go by I sobbed like no other. That’s when I gave up. With Carson gone, I had nothing to hold onto, nothing to keep me going on this path of goodness that I had lived on my whole life.
The next day I picked up smoking and started lying more than my usual “I’m fine” lie. My sister didn’t exactly turn me off smoking. She didn’t encourage it either, but when we went roller blading we smoked together. I went to the Hang Out on Fridays and smoked with some of my friends. Soon enough I was smoking more than just socially. I would sneak my window open and smoke out it by myself just thinking about how badly I was screwing up my life and I didn’t care. I’d never thought of Carson as the reason until recently. I was in a bad place and there was only one person I sort of trusted. Near the end of the summer I started hanging out with Cameron, who had been a friend of my sister’s, he was a good one though. Cameron worked at the Hang Out. The Hang Out is a place for teens, like a night club but no alcohol the substitute being energy drinks, pretty much just a dance that happens weekly. Though there is only dancing when an ambitious person starts it and gets his or her friends to join in. I went outside every Friday to smoke with my friends that went. Smoking was my big secret for the longest time. I didn’t tell any of my school friends, though some of them found out their own ways, life in a small town I suppose.
Life changed so much those months. I did things that I was so strongly against. I changed and I was a train on course towards a broken bridge. I knew this then and I know it now but it was inevitable, just something I had to live out. This is where the months end and life begins.
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